Ohhh, how dare I rant on Battle Toads. Well too bad, it's time for me to rant on Battle toads for the second time.

Last time I reviewed Battle Toads in Battle Maniacs...But I'm back with a vengeance because on the inside I was screaming that I just could not leave it as that, there's plenty more wrong with Battle Toads.

For now let's just go over the original game...and some of it as a whole.

Battle Toads is the monster of video games, with the most sadistic game play and hardest difficulty setting in history......For some reason this game is popular among people, and hey, if you've never played it, your not a true video gamer, and if you've never finished it all the way through, your not a man...or woman.

Rash, Pimple, and Zitz....Those are the toads names, and there all stuff you don't want on your face.

So keeping that in mind let's take a trip down memory lane as we re-live our childhoods and take a look at what Battle Toads was all about.

And by the way none of these videos belong to me, you know that, they belong to their respected owners.

So after watching that you may say to yourself

"Aww man I forgot how awesome that game is."

Well yeah punching things, killing animals, picking up robot parts and smacking more animals and robots...How could you go wrong?

Take a better look, like at 2:28 when the toad is climbing on that snake, everything's fine and dandy until out of nowhere he lands on the snake and gets sent right into a Spike, instant death...and he never saw it coming...What total cruelty.

at 3:11 when he jumps to the next platform...he dies...why? Because a barrel hit him...And did he see it? Of course not! At 3:34

3:46 is my third least favortie part of this game...You see that yellow rat running back and forth? You have to beat that rat at the end of the maze to the TNT...Whoever gets there first blows up the other person...And you guessed it, it's pretty cheap...Seriously, that guy was awesome, he moved so fast that he beat the rat down to the Dynamite...But he lost because the rat is programed to go straight for it.

4:07 is where it just gets more stupid, it's in Battlemaniacs as well. You have to go across the path and you have to move it because the ball behind you will kill you instantly...And hey the ball is actually faster than you, big suprize.

Ok I could go on all night about how impossible it is to play this game without dying, but let's just move on.

Battle Toad fans always say that it's a beat em' up game...And that's all I hear over and over again that in Battle Toads you beat people up...That's wrong, it's more like you beat people as you go and avoid impossible obsticles...But avoiding obstacles is what you really do in this game. Some of the others like Battle Toads and Double Dragon and the Arcade version are just beat em' ups.

You can watch that same video again and watch as Rash is slipping around on ice, jumping on snakes, avoiding logs on a surf board, avoiding lasers on a plane, and avoiding brick walls on a wave racer.

The most infamous levels of them all is the Wave Racer level, and I don't have to say it, just watch:

So let's break it down, the game is pretty much telling you that you have to dodge 108 obsticles...in 2 minutes? Also how the world can EVERYONE have reflexes like this guy and dodge all those last walls, 3 walls in less than a second?! It would be easier to give birth with both my femur bones cracked in half.

If I wanted to play a "Avoid every single thing in the world" Game...I'd play Toy Story for the Super NES.

If you like avoiding everything that exists then this game is for you...What a total waste, you can't kill anything in this game, and Woody's so big you can't avoid anything, it literally makes the game unplayable and unthinkable to beat. And if the game wasn't hard enough, they add the part where Woody's on fire and now you can't stop him, you can only move forward or rock the D-pad back and forth to avoid the killing yo-yo's you can't see.

My point is Battle Toads should not be like that, it should be a game where you whack people with weapons off the screen, not showing off how well your dodging ability is.

With it's difficulty this game is actually better than the Battlemaniacs remake...But it's still stupid hard...And as for Battlemaniacs that's for part 2 of my rant.

So after you cheat and make it to the final boss you make it to the Dark Queen herself...So what's that Boss battle like? Well she only has one sprite image, and turns into a tornado and whooshes across the screen...Then she turns back........That's it....That's her first and final attack. So after you wait for her to stop her tornado crap, you hit her, she goes tornado, she stops, you hit her, repeat. Then this happens:

Wow...After all that suffering you would have to go through...THIS is the ending to one of the most impossible games in existence, you get what you paid for.

Not only that, this guy already beat her, but for one more kick in the face she hurts you on her way back up the screen ready to give her defeated speech...And somehow that wasn't his last heart so he lived. What kind of game gives you a sucker punch after you already won?!

Oh but it's not over yet, Battle Toads was so popular that a cartoon show was made for it. Seen here:

Well thank the stars this show was cancelled after episode 3, and why does the theme song have to be by the beach boys? Because when I think Battle Toads...Oh yeah I think the Beach boys. Also I don't recall the Toads being human boys that can transform at will......Whatever.

This game is hard, but for the wrongs reasons. Playing Battle Toads successfully requires skill, dumb luck, and reflexes faster than being able to blink your eye.

Now I may be hard on Battle Toads, but this series has haunted my child hood for some time, never being able to beat the Wave Racer level back then...And still not being able to do it now!

Despite all the negative things I've said, it's still worth playing and it can be fun after a while, until you get to the impossible-to-dodge obsticles. I don't recommend trying to complete it...Because while it's not totally impossible to beat, you can spend countless hours trying to get to the end...Which isn't really worth it anyway.

This is just the first part of the rant, I'll add the next parts in later but for now cya.