Pokemon The First Movie |
We all knew this day would come...The day where I touch the only thing to me that is untouchable, unthinkable, and unfathomable....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! So we all know I've despised pokemon from day one, and I guess the only way for others that don't understand my frustration...We have to start from the begining...sorta As you all know, there are 11 Pokemon Movies...with another one on...it's...way...And for this movie...there's like 4 versions, the deleted opening version, the short vacation opening, the japanese version, and the original english version...As if one or two versions isn't enough. But I'm going to start with the original opening. So the movie starts with Mewtwo, who is a clone of Mew...and Mew is suppose to be the most powerful pokemon to ever exist, a pokemon is a monster kept inside a magic ball, a pocket is a small open poutch on a piece of clothing, and a piece of clothing- Ok ok so we all know what a Pokemon is...it's the romanized japanese version of the word that translates out to Pocket Monster......and every average joe knows that! Oh and by the way....Clones don't exist in the real world yet. So Mewtwo wakes up and he's a bit cranky that his destiny is to be a clone...So he blows up the laboratory and kills all the scienti.......... WAIT A MINUTE!! He KILLS the scientists?!.......I thought this was a kids show! You can't kill people in a kids show!
Bambi's mother died...and Bambi was made in 1942 I also loved how the Ocean Group for Dragon Ball Z made blowing up aircrafts ok, Nappa destroys one of the planes and Tien says "Look I can see their parachutes! They're ok!" ..........Well first of all you don't see their parachutes because...In reality.... THEY'RE DEAD!! Oh my gosh we're 5 minutes into the movie and people are already dead...man this movie's violent! So after he...gets rid of the scientists and then out of nowhere comes the guy in charge of Team Rocket...who trains Mewtwo to focus his new powers...And then he kills that guy too...or maybe not...maybe he survived the terrible explosion that destroys the ENTIRE BUILDING
So after...that...Mewtwo decides to...take over the world...wow...I never saw that coming. Now it goes to the main characters: Ash, Brock, and Misty who...are about to eat lunch, some random dude challenges Ash to a duel and the opening credits role during their battle......yes.....that's exactly what I wanted to see. So Pikachu wins by using electricity............Wait...what's that Misty? Are you about to say something funny? "Well that was a shocking ending" Ah ha ha ha...that's a good one Misty, yes that was absolutely priceless, I've never heard that before in my entire- THIS SUCKS so after that they have a good lunch...but wait what's this? Team Rocket is spying on them from a hill....This group consits of Jessie and James and Meowth.....Oh Jessie James...the famous outlaw...what creativity. So they're hungry from watching Ash's group eat, and this is what is said: Jessie- I can cook something Meowth- Yeah but last time you used up eight of my nine lives they all sigh ............Um..........so...what happened? Was she trying to cook Meowth? Was that line suppose to be funny? Do I even have to make a joke there? Why was that line suppose be funny?! I DONT GET IT!!!! So Ash then gets a invitation from a Nurse Joy...well it's a hologram about the size of an action figure, and Brock just has to say: "She's really small but really pretty." ..........I want to ignore that but I can't. If you don't watch the show or played any of the games I'll just tell you this, in every town on the show or the game there is a Nurse Joy that exists at the Poke'hospital store...They are the exact same woman, with the exact same hat, and eye color, and hair color, and voice....and they are all the same age...and have the exact DNA......That's right....Nurse Joy's mother had Gugleplex Tuplets......which......is impossible......but the kids don't care and I'm starting not to anyway...I don't really care about the movie either but let's keep going....this is only the first 15 minutes of the movie. So Ash and company get to the dock where they try to cross the Ocean to get to Mewtwo's lair...but Mewtwo uses his powers to make a violent storm to make it harder to reach him...but it's actually a test to see if his competetors are brave enough to face him...Ash and his friends are about to give up but then out of nowhere comes........Swedish Vikings........ ............................................................................................................ *head on the table* So there's a boy, a girl, and Meowth.......gee.......who does that sound like? Oh and how could I leave this out? Brock- " I didn't know Vikings still existed." Ash- "They mostly live in Minnesota."
Ash.......HOW DARE YOU MOCK MINNESOTA!!!
Then comes the famous Team Rocket line: Jessie- "Prepare for Trouble" James- "And make it double" Yes...toil and trouble...fire burn...cauldron bubble, I don't know is this suppose to strike fear into the little kiddies hearts or something? Ash and his team make it to Mewtwo's.........Tower.......and they find out the most powerful Pokemon master is Mewtwo, so one of the cocky brats throws his most powerful pokemon at him, Gerodous or something, and Mewtwo knocks it down...ouch... Mewtwo explains that he's a clone of Mew Boy- "Mew and Mewtwo" Girl- "So Mewtwo was cloned from Mew" Yes incase we didn't get it like the first 3 minutes of the movie...Mewtwo is a clone-do they really think the kids are this stupid that they haven't gotten it yet? Team Rocket them stumbles upon a secret area under the rest of the group, a cloner that makes...... they also find the scientists log that explains what happened the day they made Mewtwo, so Jessie says "So Mewtwo destroyed the building, and someone rebuilt it...but who?" And what exactly does the building have to do with what you just discovered? I think Mewtwo rebuilt the building.....but again that's not the point. So then it goes back to Ash and the other people fighting clones of the three major pokemon, Charzar...um...and the other two...the turtle and the plant thing... Girl- "Copies!" Boy- "They're clones!" .........where's the gun I have to do this!! What is the point of repeating everything boy and girl? If they don't think the kids know what a clone is by now they should probably stop the movie and SHOW THEM. So those 3 fight the 3 clones and they all lose because they're weaker, so then Mewtwo captures all the rest of their pokemon, and clones all of them.....why? Because Mewtwo can't conqure the world by himself......Well.......Actually he probably could...he's just to lazy to do it himself...So Team Rocket watches as clone after clone is made in the cloner....and all they have to do to stop it is just knock the Pokeballs off the conver belt....but no, they can't do that...they're the bad guys remember? So Ash goes to save Pikachu, and could care less about his other pokemon...I mean he captures them all just so he could say he captured them all which is....pointless because the creators keep coming up with 100 more every YEAR!!........huff...huff....huff......ok I'm cool now. So Ash frees the orignals so they can fight them...good move... Ash- "Your mine Mewtwo!" And Ash tries to fight Mewtwo with his bare fists. .............................................................................................................................................. ......................................................................................................................................... I think Ash is now officaly stupid I always thought we had some kind of voice that tells when we're about to do something stupid...or dangerous that could kill us...something like "Hey! Hey! Ash! All the pokemon that have fought Mewtwo have failed...So I don't think that you can kill him." So Mewtwo knocks Ash onto the roof where Mew appears and saves him by a comforting bubble... By looking at Mew you'd think something like "We're doomed." Because Mew just seems to be a playful little cat...he doesn't seem to like to fight Mewtwo...so how can the most powerful Pokemon to exist.......not want to fight?! So Mew suggest a fair fight against the clones and Mewtwo says that he will use his powers to prevent the pokemon from using their powers..............he can do that?! So Ash helpless on the roof watches as all the pokemon beat the tar out of themselves...and for the first time ever he comes to a realization....fighting must be.....wrong.... The pokemon beat each other to the point that they can't even stand up, and Pikachu gets slaped by his clone, over and over and over. So every character in the show gives us a speech about how it's bad to fight, and pokemon shouldn't fight like this, and nothing can come out of it but pain, and they rather risk their lives in the storm than watch pokemon kill each other like this and it's not right for pokemon to fight this way and- WE GET IT So Ash decides that he should stop all this fighting by getting caught in one of Mew and Mewtwo's blasts, yeah...that'll stop them. So Ash get's stoned and Pikachu tries to revive him...but it doesn't work...so Mewtwo gather up his clones and apologies to the group for killing Ash...and so Ash dies a brave death and he will be remembered for his noble sacrifice that- WHACK .......oh sorry...I fell asleep...so what was I saying? Oh right Ash is stoned and Pikachu cries...and the rest of the Pokemon cry.......and it's all so sad......but wait what's this?......Pokemon tears can bring people back to life!....Hooray!......Wait a minute.....since when could Pokemon tears do that?! That's not fair...Do you know how much Bambi cried when he lost her mother? And did she come back to life? No...what about Aladdin? Aladdin lost his mother when he was a little boy, he cried and she didn't come back to life either......what about Snow White? She died and the prince kissed her and she came back to......life.........ugh.... So because of what Ash did Mewtwo decides to leave with his Pokemon clones to live a life of piece....oh and one last thing......
HE ERASES EVERYONE'S MEMORIES We really appreciate that Mewtwo, not only does no-one remember what happened which kinda makes this movie entirely pointless....but the group can't remember that fighting is wrong, so they have the perfect excuse to keep on collecting Pokemon for 10 more movies, and 10 more seasons of the show...Yes...Thank you Mewtwo....you son of a- ahem so this movie may have not been so bad if it technically actually took place, but no it practically doesn't exist since no-one in the story can remember it...
WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL THAT?! I mean I don't understand...was it to introduce Mewtwo to the group? No because they don't remember him, so when they meet him again they won't know who he is.....what about the moral of the story....about fighting being wrong? Violence is never the answer? Well that can't be right because if it was they would not keep fighting way on into 10 more movies! What the crap?! This makes no sense...So is fighting good or bad? Well it must be good because Ash and his group keep doing it... So what did we learn today kiddies?
As long as you remember those...you'll be just fine...oh yeah I hate this movie by the way. Now if you'll excuse me...I'm gonna rip the stuffing out of my Pikachu plush doll. |
